enodia_ic | (no subject)

Girls can carry the family name, too! ~~I'm named after my m~~

Ooooh, that's a good one. Maybe horrible flatulence.

Oh, I know this. The teen beast knows this. Even my mama knows this, if you really pushed her on it a bit. But do this church ladies know this?

Just - all of your skin's inverted. [...] Shit. It really could've gone so much worse, huh?

What do church ladies know anyway???

Eww. Yeah, I'm feeling a little better about being a hideous monster? I could've been a hideous inside-out monster with pimples and excessive farts???

All the good neighborhood chisme. You can't lose out on that kind of connection because you don't have enough grandchild collateral.

You've got permanent stiletto nails. I know women who put down $100+ on that easy. There's nothing hideous or monstrous about it.

I guess I'll never get that good chisme. Woe is me.

I also have a tail.

The only other way is to bring new and exciting chisme to the table. It's like currency. Her children are not currently providing.

Oh no, a functional extra limb. There's no possible way that could ever be useful in daily life.

Best I can do is bring a casserole to their potluck.

It's useful, ngl. But it freaks people out.

I guess that depends on the casserole.

People here live in a literal bubble and get attacked by giant, purple shit regularly. And people elsewhere have a non-zero chance of waking up with some sort of unexpected 'talent' at any given moment. They'll get over it.

There'll probably be tater tots in it.

[...] I guess. Thank you.

I don't know about the church ladies, but I'd demolish a tater tot.

Nothing to thank me for. You're allowed to complain about it if you want, but nobody else should.

All the best casseroles have tater tots. You can trust me, I'm an Expert.

At least I'm not a business school grad. 😌

I believe you! If anything, not enough meals include tater tots.

See? There are true monsters among us.

They're a very versatile form of potato!

I hope nobody here went to Yale business school, in which case I'm sorry, but also they ARE monsters.

They're kind of like if McDonald's hashbrowns had children.

There's an exception to every rule. Maybe.

Exactly! That's why they're called Tots!

Maybe. Maybe that's someone's superpower.

Y'know, that actually never occurred to me until this moment.

Exception to every rule? Could be great. Could also be horrible.

I also never thought about it until you said it.

Oh, I meant the superpower to be a business school grad and not be a jerk, but also your thing sounds both great and terrible all at once.

Oh thank god I'm not alone.

Sometimes I really wonder if there are limits on this whole powers thing. There should be limits on this whole thing.

I can't unsee it now, though.

I hope there are limits. I wouldn't trust most people with too much power??

Just a happy family of hashbrowns with their tater tot children.

Way too many people suck that don't have superpowers.

That's so wholesome???

It's true. And I mean, in saying this, I'm not saying that I don't suck, but I at least try to make an effort not to???

McDonald's should be hiring us.

You don't suck. I feel pretty safe assuming you wouldn't immediately plot world domination if given mind control powers.

I could pitch it to them. I have marketing experience.

I wouldn't. All I want is to run my dumb little store and for people not to yell at me and/or scream when they look at me??? That's very nice of you to say, though. Thank you for being so nice!

I don't, so I'd probably be a horrible business partner. But I could convince the ice cream machine to work, if that counts for anything?

You need to stop thanking me for just saying facts.

I feel like the world might implode if a McDonald's ice cream machine actually worked.

I just really appreciate it, that's all.