(no subject)

[exacutus]

Anyone who mentions my behavior yesterday is going to meet a swift and merciless end. That is all.

Comments

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

Why is she inviting us to dinner like a couple?

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

[......] She's got to be up to something.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

But what?

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

Some weird ploy to get us to like Jack?

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

Maybe they're testing out thirds for their marriage. Not it.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

No way they're looking for just a third, they want two more. One for each. I call not it with Jack. ♥

[...]

We should probably go, right?

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

Do you WANT me to actually murder you?

Ugh. Yes. I'll RSVP for us.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

You were the one calling dibs first.

Oh my god being a mature adult sucks shit.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

And?

We're practically children, we shouldn't have to suffer like this!

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

You started it, so I can't be held accountable.

Exactly! The universe really has it out for us lately.

How obnoxious should we be while we're there, though?

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

Yes you can. Do you feel that? It's me holding you accountable.

Either we're so pleasant and well-mannered that they feel sorry for ever making us suffer, or we out annoy the most annoying couple we know. There's no middle ground here.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

I'm ignoring it.

Look, we are perfect, but it is 100% the latter.

I should probably say something to Annie so it doesn't look like I'm just letting you communicate for me, huh?

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

Then I'm going to come and hold you accountable in person!

Right, but how will we do it?

I think it's funnier this way, actually, but do what you must.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

Bring food.

I'm going to have to think on this... you got any ideas?

Oh, I mean, I don't want to do it, so I'm fine keeping my mouth shut. ♥

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

Do I look like DoorDash to you?

A few. Proposition them first, announce our own engagements, pretend to be fighting the whole time, pretend not to know what carrots are, etc. The world is our oyster.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

But I'm hungry 🥺

Oh my god, how are you such an evil genius? It's definitely got to be something that drags on the whole night.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

I don't see what that has to do with me. 🥺

Something that starts off innocuous but just builds until they regret being alive in the same era as us. Easy enough!

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

I can't believe you'd turn my own emoji against me.

You really are a girl after my own heart, Mints.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

[...] Do you ever wonder why Jack and Annie are so focused on me us?

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

I assume Jack's issue is he desperately wants people to like him and we obviously don't. And Annie [...] I think she just wants to get in fights. And is protective of Jack for some reason. Maybe she does actually want to marry him.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

I tried to be his friend, you know. But I don't think he can see beyond his own perspective enough to consider himself anything but a victim.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

Very, very possible. He up in his own head a lot. If he's really bugging you right now I can tell him to fuck off, if you want. I've been keeping my direct interactions with him pretty mild for Annie's sake but I don't have to.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

I don't need anyone to fight my battles. [...] But thank you for offering.

Minty/Noah

[bubble_boy]

I know you don't need it, but sometimes it's nice to sit back and let someone else take care of the annoying things for you, for a bit.

Offer is standing, forever, because you know how much I love being a jerk.

Minty/Noah

[exacutus]

He makes me feel like I'm insane sometimes. I want to pour sugar in his gas tank.